Imagine we are all apples hanging out on the tree of life. One day, a great big black horse called Death rides up to this lovely bunch of apples and it picks one it wants to pluck off the branch. At first it just nipples in sharp piercing stabs, but as it becomes more determined, it wraps it warm slavering mouth about the apple and starts yanking and pulling until, all at once, as though it got a bad taste in its mouth, it lets go. The apple has the joyous feeling of flying through the air, spittle flying off its shiny red surface into the sky until the pendulum of the branch swings back the other way and it is shaken vigorously, gasping for air.

This is a little bit what it is like to be sick with a 102.5 fever for two days. ...Bleh.

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"Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good."
-W.H. Auden

2 Samuel 12:14-31

New International Version (NIV)

14 But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the LORD, the son born to you will die.”

15 After Nathan had gone home, the LORD struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

18 On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”

19 David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.

“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”

20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

21 His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”

22 He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ 23 But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

24 Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and made love to her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The LORD loved him; 25 and because the LORD loved him, he sent word through Nathan the prophet to name him Jedidiah.

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I am trying to find a quote to put on the back of my new itouch. I have waited and thought about it for a long time, I have the money (thanks to a lovely x-mas gift), and so I have decided, more or less, to get it. However, I really want to do the free engraving. That way, I don't have to deface it beyond recognition to differentiate between it and all the other devices out there AND I can also look at it whenever I need encouragement. These are the quotes on the top of my list:

"Everything's alright in the end. If it isn't alright, it isn't the end."

"Life's a voyage that's homeward bound.
Herman Melville"

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.
Ralph Waldo Emerson"

"Every noble work is at first impossible.
Thomas Carlyle"

"Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling."

"Great acts are made up of small deeds."

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."

Suggestions?

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So, I took some folks on a tour today. It was strange coming back, but pretty much the same. I think I probably talked their ear off, but I really enjoyed talking up my town. Well, here's for hoping.

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So, I turned up in Japan again. That happens from time to time when I am dreaming. I will just start in Japan and I have to ask myself, "why on Earth am I in Japan?" It has happened so long that I actually get a reasonable response now. "Well, it doesn't have to be Japan, but you want to go abroad". I thanked myself resentfully and panned out to a map of Asia. I popped into Taiwan, South Korea, Thailand and other locations and talked a little bit about the merits of going back to each of them, however, whenever I ducked into them, I would have a dream loop that would run over each of them.

I popped into Taiwan and I saw Eric again, the guy I went on a date with from my gym in Busan. He was having trouble at work and decided not to renew there. Instead he took a trip to Taiwan. My other friend had been in Busan for three months and had been traditionally screwed over by her hagwon. She took off to Taiwan as well. I panned through a generic China scene and wondered if this were how Taiwan was like or if I was sampling from the mainland. Sample from mainland: see northern china, my old Chinese teacher and pan through all the Chinese I know (luckily short).

I popped into South Korea. I have a briefly montage of Busan, start to focus on the fuzzy faces of my friends, "No! We are NOT going to go through all of that". My subconscious slumps of disgruntled and we pan out.

I pop into Thailand.. and review everything that happened there as well as a couple of daydreams I have had off the coast.

"But wait a second, what am I going tell my dad?" I ask.

My dad appears. He is looking for an old friend of his. We eventually find him in an old abandoned theme park, at least I assume that's what it was because his old friend (who was a friend who was old, not a friend he knew for a long time), had made his home inside the Ferris wheel. He invited up to come up and the Ferris wheel turns into a tree and we climb up amongst the lanterns. He talks to my dad about his future and gives him very insightful wisdom about enjoying the life he has instead of wishing for a life he doesn't have. We hop onto a roller-coaster and I ask the old friend what he thought about my going abroad again. My dad says that he would be fine with that and the old friend says that I should do that kind of stuff while I'm still young.

Three more dreams, I wake up and forget about the whole thing... until now. What a long dream.

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Needs revising:

I fear neither the clamor
Of the tolling bells
Nor sharp tip of a knife
For death will come its lonely way
And that is only right

But what I fear is nearer
What I fear is fright
For will I drift away
Into the darkening night?

Or will I remain a thin white scar
From a long forgotten bite
Of wounds given so long before
That remembrance is only a might?

Good night, good night, good night.

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